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Bazukei, a man of simplistic ingenuity. He has lived on the farms of his homeland for over a millenium century, acting on his baser instincts to survive in this world and at the same time get the most he can out of his life. From a young age, Bazukei was a too be continued because I cant think for shit right now.

Bazukei was out one day in his fields, farming his shit because he was an elf farmer even though that’s pretty dumb because what the hell is an elf doing out in the middle of nowhere farming? Anyways he was out in the middle of his fields farming when there was like a zombie or some shit.

Anyways this zombie wasn’t a normal zombie, it was a zombie that was laced (that means “laden”, Jay, look that one up you dumb fucker) with poison and acids and fertilizer that was shit from an unholy priest. Bazukei saw this zombie as it was contaminating his fields and he was like “i’mma stop this shit” and he got into a fight with the zombie.


You’d think that a one hundred and twenty six year old elf would at least know something about fucking fighting, because zombies are totally weak. But no, this dumb fucking elf gets his eye put out by a goddamn stupid zombie (he was “laden” with unholy bullshit but he was still a normal zombie). I don’t know how this happened, some of the tainted fecal matter probably splashed into one of his eyes and he decided not to wash it out since he was fucking retarded and then he lost his eyesight.

After this shit happened he left his fields or something and he found Phoenixia (who’s a totally hot bitch who is the sun goddess or something). Internally wanting to bang Phoenixia hardcore and masturbating feverishly before her statue and getting caught and telling them that he was only prostrating (another word for you to look up Jay, you bitch) before it and not wanking off a gooey elven spurt and that his pants somehow just unzipped in the process, he somehow weaseled his way into the Order under the pretense of having an epiphany/vision/whatever-the-fuck.

Anyways he’s lied about it for so long that he’s just kind of forgotten about the truth now though, and he’s devout enough in his falsity that Phoenixia actually grants him divine power.

And that’s how the little wanker came about.


Level 1 Elf Cleric of Phoenixia

Initiative: +1

Senses: Perception +6; Low-Light

HP 22; Bloodied 11

AC 16; Fortitude 13; Reflex 11; Will 16

Healing Surges: 7 per day, recovers 5 hp.

Speed 6

Basic Attacks: melee +3; ranged +1

Attacks: Morningstar +5 melee (1d10), Sling +3 ranged (1d6)

At-Will Powers: Priest’s Shield, Righteous Brand

Encounter Powers: Healing Strike, Channel Divinity: Divine Fortune [class], Healing Word [class], Channel Divinity: Turn Undead [class], Channel Divinity: Phoenixia’s Radiance [class], Channel Divinity: Armor of The Sun [class], Elven Accuracy [racial]

Daily Powers: Avenging Flame

Alignment: Lawful Good

Languages: Common, Elven

Skills: Acrobatics +0, Arcana +0, Athletics +2, Bluff +2, Diplomacy +2, Dungeoneering +4, Endurance -1, Heal* +9, History* +5, Insight* +9, Intimidate +2, Nature +6, Perception +6, Religion* +5, Stealth +0, Streetwise +2, Thievery +0.

*indicates trained skills

Abilities: Str 16 (+3); Dex 12 (+1); Con 10 (+0); Int 10 (+0); Wis 18 (+4); Cha 14 (+2)

Feats: Armor of The Sun, Phoenixia’s Radiance

Racial Abilities: Elven Weapon Proficiency, Fey Origin, Group Awareness, Wild Step

Class Abilities: Channel Divinity, Healing Lore, Healing Word, Ritual Casting

Gear: Chainmail, Morningstar, Sling, backpack, bedroll, flint and steel, belt pouch, trail rations (10 days), hempen rope (50 ft.), sunrods (2), waterskin, 34 gp


Khaeros Airestorm